Of Crushed Emotions
by LilacDreams
Summary: Harry confesses it all to Draco in a letter he does not dare to show. What has he been thinking? That maybe hopefully his secret friendship with Draco would be something more? Warning: Harry x Draco


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or worlds written in this fanfiction.

Please feel free to submit your reviews or any comments that you wish to tell me. I wrote "Prologue" down there because I'm not too sure if I'll write a sequel to it. I'll just see the comments on my review (if I have any at all) and then decide if I should write a sequel. Just thought you should know that I don't write fics with many chapters because if I lose my interest suddenly halfway through the story (short interest span!), it'll become so bad I should be thrashed. Alright, enjoy the story!

**Prologue:**  
  
A figure sat at a corner in a dark room, focused on nothing but his thoughts and his notebook. He does not notice the pounding rain outside nor the lightning as it flashes by as he is lost too deep in his sorrow and despair. As he keeps writing his heart's aches the lightning strikes again, this time lighting up the room for a split second, but that's all it needed to see who that the figure is and that tears are visible on his pale cheeks.  
  
Dearest Draco,

I know that you don't love me but at least hear what I have to say? When I saw you Pansy together today, my jealousy got the best of me. Sorry, Draco. I have no right to lose my temper like that. What right do I have? I don't have your love, just your teasing affections or more likely, words to ease tension because our newly formed friendship. Do you know that I treasure every moment with you no matter how rarely we actually spend time together? Every time you tease me I fall for you even more.

I treasure those moments when we were together as friends, not like the enemies we used to be. I'm sorry I fell for you. But I can't help it. I'm sorry for treating her badly. But I just can't stand it. I just can't stand seeing you with her...it was dumb of me of ever hoping that you'll love me. I know that, but I can't help what I feel, Draco. When I spilled that cup of pumpkin juice on her, it was no accident. I did it on purpose. Don't get mad alright? Please? I don't want you to hate me, but I guess you do, don't you? I caught a glint of anger in your eyes after you saw what happened. It tore me apart, I felt my heart stop. I don't want you to hate me! I promise to be nicer, and not let my emotions get the better of me. Just don't hate me, I'll do anything alright, Draco?

There's so much I want to tell you, things I long to do or time I wish to spend with you. Every time I see you, it just breaks my heart so badly. I guess that's why most people always say that love hurts? Now I know why they feel that way. To see someone they love loving someone else. Ironic isn't it? I guess that's the way with love, not everyone gets the love they desire for. I remember all those times when there was no one else but you and I. All those joy, laughter and hard times we shared together. But those were our secret nights together...

In the morning, the magic breaks. Everything is back to normal, just like Cinderella but only our moment together starts in the night and ends in the morning when we meet again. Whenever we see each other, we have pretend that we're still enemies, loathing each other's existence. Sometimes I just feel like laughing at myself, foolish enough to let this relationship continue. I was always happy in the nights and my heart feels so full and contented. Yet when you pass me in the hallways without a wave or a smile, I feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. I long to reach out and hold you, wanting to talk to you openly yet there's always those obstacles. Why can't I be what I really am in front of you? It hurts me so to hide my true feelings and expressions, pretending to be a totally different person. It wearies me through and through, to keep that mask of dislike in place around others.

Even if it means I have to face you everyday and do my utmost best to keep my mask in place, I'll do it. I'm addicted to you, Draco, I can't get enough, and never will. I want to make you happy, but I don't know how. If Pansy makes you happy, so be it. What ever you want and makes you happy is fine for me. Even if you'll never be able to read this, it will lessen the stress and pain a little. I hope the best for you. I always will. I know pretending I'm talking to you is a bit weak of me but I need someone to talk to and I can't talk to the others. I wish life was easier, that way I won't have so much to worry about.

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The figure looks toward the clock on the nightstand.

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It's after midnight. We have a Quidditch match tomorrow so I  
guess I should finish up. I love you Draco, and I won't ever let  
you know. It'll cause me more pain if you reject me. So it's better not  
letting you know. I can live with reality, or die trying, for you  
I'll do anything, anything you want... 

Yours always and forever,

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The figure got up and open the top drawer on his desk. Putting his notebook in the way back, the figure locks the drawer and crawls back to bed hoping to fall into a dreamless sleep. A sleep that doesn't involve a certain Slytherin. But that is clearly impossible, the figure started twisting and turning in the early hours of the morning. He woke up just before dawn... 


End file.
